


Bail (Care) [BONUS ENTRY 1]

by blindtaleteller



Series: Platovember Prompts 2020 [31]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Caretaking, Clint Barton Feels, Compare and Contrast, Conjoined Alternate Universes, Coping, Gen, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Feels, Lokiverse - Freeform, Mixology (Lokiverse), Platovember 2020, Ronin Clint Barton, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:40:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28679790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blindtaleteller/pseuds/blindtaleteller
Summary: Clint continues to watch over Loki after his off world guest arrives as scheduled; rarely leaving his side. He still hasn't asked all of his questions, or any of the ones that matter. Though, the God of Mischief putting himself through infinity stone powered astral projections for all but a few hours of the day, and somewhat hounded by those Avengers and others not buying into the situation as it's already been proven hasn't been helping that along either. Something about the whole situation bothers Barton more than he can explain until Loki unknowingly confronts him with it himself, though.. and Clint is forced to look that much more closely at his own situation; and Natasha's sacrifice.
Relationships: platonic - Relationship
Series: Platovember Prompts 2020 [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1999015
Kudos: 3
Collections: Loki, Platonic Relationships, Prompted Writing





	Bail (Care) [BONUS ENTRY 1]

**Author's Note:**

> A return to universe 13, first seen in this series in 'Simon Says (Safety).' This one comes in about a little under a week after that part of their story.
> 
> For anyone who had been hoping to actually read Vix, sorry but my confidence isn't quite there yet. I must have re-written this one three or four times with him in it before I decided to leave him aside for the time being, and just focus on Clint and Loki. He can always poke his ridiculously sassy fishdad face in later on, right?
> 
> Writing for OCs is sometimes really difficult for me in a fandom based work, which is why I kind of skipped out on the interactions between Vix and had them at a distance to start. It doesn't help that Vix is a particular brain-baby of mine that .. not only has a very specific look and very developed culture in my head: but a very strong personality too. I get a little shy about showing story pushing OCs like him until their time, can't help it. It comes with the anxiety issues I guess. Eh.. any ways!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one, angst and all lol! I swear sometimes: that's my Clint muses specialty..

  * IDENTIFY LOCATION: LOXLEY - DIMENSIONAL IDENTIFICATION CONFIRMED : HVRA0616-9H-13
  * \---INTER-UNIVERSAL DOORWAY ENTRY POINT H13 : OBSERVATIONAL STATUS - TVA INTERFERENCE : _OBSERVATION_ _DETECTED_
  * \----MIDGARD NORTHERN HEMISPHERE : NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT : VISITATION CAUTIONS _ADVISED_ : UPSTATE NEW YORK -AVENGERS COMPOUND
  * \------KNOWN DOMESTIC TIME VARIANCE : 7: 24 PM US EST



##  ** =B A I L= **

The fish was an interesting sort. Even those of the guys that were skeptical about Loki's off world guest were caught up in his personality fairly quickly. And those who weren't; recognized it enough to want to mostly stay away for that fact; like getting to know the intelligent, energetic aquatic man was the threat to the stubborn standpoint they were trying to cling to that, well.. it _actually_ was _if_ you were trying. Barton, wasn't any more.

Clint was watching Kiirvixis and the small following he'd gathered through the windows from his seat in the room 'Vix' had very quickly moved Loki into after that first day setting up; and he was a little tempted to head out there and see what they were up to. From up there, he looked almost like he was the only adult among them all he was so big. Well.. taller anyway. Almost Bruce's height, but sleeker. The way he moved, reminded him of the man whose bedside Barton had pretty much given in to admitting he was guarding; currently unconscious turned over on his side with the infinity stones still embedded in his left hand.

Vix had frowned at that, but more at the newer state of his appearance before he'd moved him to a room with better air conditioning; which was apparently a necessity with the revelation of the fact that the cracking, paper like shedding of his skin along that side was a sign that some enchantment Odin and Frigga had put on Loki was unraveling under the stress of the stones usage. He didn't say much else about it; other than the confirmation that it was bad and that half the fever that come up wasn't actually a fever but his natural body temperature battling with that same forced and false presentation: but Clint got the impression his health was at more risk than Loki wanted them to know.

That, worried Clint enough; though the addition of Bruce reconfirming the evidence of spinal surgeries barely healed as was did not help.

" _...how is the clean up coming?_ " half jolted him out of the dazed stare after the big guy and his current following as a surprise from the bed beside him; pulling Clint's brows high and his chin from the settle it had gotten used to taking in the center of his palm to prop it up over the window sill. Loki's waking had been less and less common over the past week: enough for a meal a day and maybe a short conversation or two before he delved right back into his Astral trips out into the rest of the universe to fix the biggest messes left behind in Thanos' wake.

He'd lost some weight. And added some color, with the way his fake skin was cracked and peeling like dried out, papery birch bark, clear up his neck and half down his torso at this stage. Between that and the guys almost always interrupting when he id wake up, the conversations they had had; mostly revolved around existential, meals.. and how things were going along those lines. And didn't look like they were breaking suit any time soon either.

Clint was so lost on where to even start after Vix had put in his two cents confirming quite a few curious loopholes in their knowledge of history, combined with his current bad state: that he hadn't found it in himself to cut through that established norm yet either. " Goin' all right. I went out yesterday after you konked out again. The smell's all but gone now; at least for us. Vix's stubborn though; says it still smells bad for him, and got a long way to go yet before all the contaminates are out. "

Which, apparently got him a half smile. And the response of " ..well, this is a person who can smell Barnes' arm from across the compound? " did bring up one corner of Clint's mouth as a small amusement thinking about how fast the big guy cleared out every time Bucky came into the room. " His senses have evolved to be much sharper than ours, as a part of his life's work. "

" Sense of humor too, apparently. He's managed to charm half the folks here between that and his personality. " made Loki hum as he turned over. The slow to it had Clint scooting his chair again just to help him along and adjust teh pillows behind him so he could sit up rather than stay on his side. " Him and Thor had a little blowout though, when they came across each other. "

" Ahh.. " sounded like he thought he should have expected that. " I suppose I should have seen that coming. Vix is even less a fan of my former family than I am. " also sounded like an opening Clint might get his foot in, if he was quick enough though. And yeah; he couldn't resist it.

Tugging the chair closer and out of his view so Loki could watch the six or seven following and probably learning from Vix along the shoreline with him; Barton took a breath and then took it up. " Yeah ...he did mention he went through the trouble to legally adopt you into his family. " put a little extra quiet into the space between them while they watched the big guy turn his head from what was likely a whole barrage of questions from Tony, to the green girl, Wanda and the rest down there trying to understand how he worked and engage him in conversation. " Part of what threw Thor off the deep end, if briefly. "

" No doubt. " was all he got at first, pulling a glance his way and proving as Loki settled out of the stiff that was a part of conversation he probably hadn't wanted to touch. " Knowing Vix.. he likely had none of Thor's claim on me, quite loudly? "

" ..yep. Thought he was gonna stab him for a bit. " was the truth; and the most worked up the guy had been since his getting there; and oh that difference was a stark one. The guy had a laid back sort of energy to him that spiked in fits of curiosity and laughing excitement when he came across new things; but and even when the nay-sayers had been trying to needle him: he hadn't even gotten the slightest bit agitated. He'd even laughed at them. Laughed, and shaken his head like they were on something; and corrected them with a wide grin of appreciation for the level of hoodwinkery Loki had pulled off for their opinions to --and he could quote it in his head-- _'..so damned well worked you can't tell the truth from your own ass even havin' lived it to look back 'n' know better! Dayum!_ '

Clint couldn't help but smile at that particular commentary or the resulting embarrassment and varied levels of acceptance as Loki responded to his own with " In honesty, it may have been luck he didn't. " and watched them. Their resident futurist was tagging closest today, and the trickster noted it. " I see Anthony has found a distraction in him though. That's good. I'd not have another argument with him and Strange where their impatience about the stones is concerned. "

" They're intelligent guys.. " Clint could agree easily. " ..but even being responsible for it that doesn't mean they're smart where their tempers're involved. "

" As I understand it.. that is; a subject you know even more about these days. " pulled his trying to think how to ask what he wanted to up short as what he was referring to started to register. It pulled the rug out from under what good was in his mood, just as a start: because looking over and finding that cracked pretty face looking at him the way he was, Barton realized he not only wasn't the only one who had been looking for a way to breach a difficult subject: but that Loki might have overheard some of why he was up there with him, instead of elsewhere.

The silence meeting that uncertain stare stretched, and it was like they were feeling each other out in that quiet. Loki was the first to break it though, a sigh first. " ...let's .. stop with the pretenses; for the moment? I want to know what happened to you in uncomfortable places.. you want to know what happened with me, in places I consider the same; most likely. " hit what he was thinking right in the nose, along with " Neither of us likely want to really talk about it, but neither will be able to rest until we have our answers, hm? " to knock out any remaining walls between the facts of what they were doing up there. Why Clint still hadn't gone home even without the keep away signs and messages Laura was holding over her head all the way from Missouri after his five year run as Ronin.

_Deep breath Clint. He's literally opening the door for you here. Nobody else's gotten an offer like that, that you've heard.  
_

" Fair exchange then? " was his guess, and got him a nod before the man with the disco hand pushed himself up a little further in the bed he'd been settled into, grimacing at the flaking of false skin that peppered the ivory comforter as a result from his left side.

" Yes.. though I'll be the first to suggest limitations. If we come across something we don't wish to talk about, we agree to leave it alone. "

That had Barton reconsidering though. Just how much of what he wanted was behind that kind of gate? He couldn't help but say what he was thinking in that regard. " Vix said, a lot of what you did do; _was_ for personal reasons. I don't want you skimping out on me under that kind of rule. " which, Loki didn't appreciate from the soured look he was getting: but didn't deny either.

" Fine. But that means you have to give me the same when I ask you about the last few years, _and_ your wife and children. " was a tough one his brain tried to fight on reactive habit and instinct: but not one he had to really either, was it? And.. if he was going to ask for it.. it was, honestly only fair that the rules were even across the board.

Still, the subjects in mind itched at him for different reasons. Mainly the one that came out of his mouth. " Why those subjects mean anything to you? " was the kind of question he half expected not to get an answer to. Well; not even half. He didn't expect one at all really.

So when he got " ..because I haven't seen you in person in ten years, but I _did_ put a stamp of at _least_ mild responsibility for you into my own books after Stuttgart and New York: and that you're here at my bedside, and not with your children; is worrying to me as a result. Contradictory to not attempting to drag you with me, or make good on the fibs I told Romanov to rile her spirits ... among other things. " it was that much more awing to hear, even with the almost chilled angry for that tone he delivered it with.

_No._ That wasn't quite accurate. Clint caught the edges when his stone affected lite-brite blue eyes were aimed back at him again when he settled: Loki was more annoyed with himself, for wanting to know regardless of the fact he expected to be denied. " ..you're something else, you know that. " slipped out of Clint's mouth without much thought other than that. And once it was out, Barton couldn't leave it as it was, either. That wasn't enough. " You do remember you saved our asses, right? Something like that.. seems small compared to the things you could be doing and asking for. "

" Yes.. _well._ I don't trust any of you, even if I _did_ think to ask for any of that. " was far quicker and more blunt than Clint had been expecting; but it was probably the most honest too. So was " And with many, including the source of your own doubts I would wager: that is a very mutual thing. I am very aware of what I've done, and how I have presented myself to earn that. "

But. It was the next set of lines that threw out all the anger that came with it, all but a sliver. " I might have gone about things differently if allowed; but .. time and my former family didn't allow for that. It was faster, and easier to go along with Thor and Odin's twisted version of the truth than it was to fight them. " and the sigh as he looked to the hallway and back did not help. " Time was not something we could waste, on the efforts. As is.. we barely managed to win. I nearly died. Many more definitely did. Including Natasha and our timeline's Gamora.. and more. That construct, of Anthony's. Others, that Danvers mentioned: snapped back into natural distasters, wars, the confusion of places where half the people from leadership to infrastructure to the everyday man was just suddenly gone for five years to wreak havoc on everything. "

And didn't he know it. " My kids and wife were on that last part of the list. " was the first give he managed, his answer to pull them back to the subjects: if that was what they were going to exchange. Watching the confirmation settle into Loki's half wrecked features.. wasn't what he expected. Brows coming together and up, the stillness otherwise while his eyes searched Clint's for some lie there? No. Not at all what Barton expected. He looked too instantly concerned, but also judgy where the rest usually put on the pity faces. Too understanding of what that might have taken him to.

It threw Clint a little farther from what he'd wanted to believe even regardless of the acceptance he'd thought he'd settled into and; at the same time gave him some small grip on the idea that: he might, be okay talking about it all with him, instead of barring it up. It was a weird feeling. Like just that moment he might have spotted a kindred soul he hadn't known or expected to find where he had. That scared him, a little. So " ...you hungry? " came out as a thought to put some air between the feeling and him.

Loki? Probably saw it for what it was. His expression dropped into a tired half smile that said it even more than his tone as he settled his head against the pillow again. He probably wanted that air himself " I am, yes. "

" Good, cause I think if your _fish-daddy_ asks me on his way by the door _one more time_ about whether or not you've eaten that giant dumpling stuff he made for you yesterday? Imma scream. " got a small snort of a laugh and a shake of Loki's head as an initial response. " I'll be right back, huh. We can ...talk while we eat. No going back to not-sleep with the astral stuff while I get it heated up, either. " And yeah, that was a little of his own mostly and currently unused dad muscles flexing in on the care portion of it Clint had settled into. Which, strangely enough was becoming the more comfortable portion of the whole situation.

If only because and again, it was a part of what was their norm over the past week or two.

" Juice as well if you would! " called after him at a strained half shout before he was fully around the nearby corner; and the sound had Bruce sticking his head out of the kitchen on that level with a fork still in his face from whatever meal he was at in his weird schedule. " Yeah, sure.. the tart stuff, right? " got a sound of approval from the room he was briefly leaving behind before he was in the kitchen and ignoring the looks all the way past the table to the fridge.

A glance told him Steve was there eating with Bruce, and Sam with him. Of course, Sam being snappy as he was; was first to comment as he got the meal about. " Dude finally awake and up to eatin' fish-dad's home-boiled? " came out with the usual energetic snark that was just Wilson's default talking and he knew it.

" Yeah. I'd appreciate it if none a you interrupted this one. " did put a little pause between the faces at the table though. " Him and me got a few conversations of a personal kind to sort out; and with Strange out finally, I might have the chance. So.. leave off for a bit, if you guys got it in your heads to poke yours in? "

" Clint. I _do_ believe Loki means _mostly_ well? " starting up from Bruce was not the tone he wanted to hear, but he expected and was getting it anyways. " But I'm still iffy on leaving you two alone together in that room while he's attached to the other, physical thing in the universe left that connects you two in our history. " Steve was apparently thinking the same thing. Or at least it looked that way when Clint started the microwave up and turned to catch their expressions while he waited. This, was another part of his growing norm. A part he didn't particularly like.

" Look. " was his own start, and yes it pulled up most of their defenses immediately but; Barton wasn't going to let it lie. " I get that idea and why it bothers you, the stone; yeah? Better, than you _probably_ think I do. But, if he was going to use it on me again: he would have done it by now, just as a _start,_ man. He's had every opportunity, both asleep and awake; with how Strange explained that Astral Projection stuff, since. Hell... _and_ as we've already discussed with Carol present and not? He could do a lot worse. To us and to any place in particular with those things attached to his bones. He hasn't. "

" That's the thing man. We don't know what else he might be doing, in part because we can' actually say with certainty he's not using it elsewhere in the universe, outside of the box he's presented. " seemed to be a thought mirrored around the table too still. They'd had this conversation though. Over and again. He knew the arguments. " I'm not saying he's absolutely being the bad guy here and now. But we _do know_ how easy he tends to lean in that direction, and-- " which was why Clint cut it off there with the ding signalling their dinner was done. " --and we've said this bit before, Banner. Doesn't change my need to try and get the answers I want, or need. Especially now. Or the fact that he doesn't just want but very clearly needs those things out of his body as soon as he's able to manage it. " which just had Bruce sighing and looking to Steve and Bucky for help.

" And; " as he tried to spatula-spoon the huge dumplings into a cooler bowl with both hands, he had to point out the change. " As of right now he's agreed to an info exchange with me. " yeah, that paused cap's input before it even made it out of his mouth. Left it open and put his brows up too. " No holds barred Steve. Straight up offer from his end. I don't know of anybody else he's made that offer to. Which, I gotta tell you as an addition feels like it might not happen if privacy isn't a thing. So I'm gonna be offing the cameras in his room while we talk. "

" You think he's being honest? "

" I think the stuff we're going to be talking about is personal enough that yeah, I doubt he'd lie about it and: I think he seems a little too interested in getting honest answers himself to play me with anything less from his end too. "

Which .. got a snort from Sam, which drew Clint's mood and expressions to a flavor of dry annoyance he couldn't be bothered to mask. " Sam, _I like you,_ I do. But you never met the guy til a few weeks ago; never mind went up against him. So before you open your mouth to add onto the derision in that sound alone? Don't go making judgement calls you can't bank your or my life on; based on someone else's bullshit fill-ins 'cause they're pissed they got played as a part of his win on the purple asshole what had my family and countless more including yourself dead for five years. Your inner arrogance and bigot starts to show when you do. Especially since I still ain't heard even a mocking thanks outta you in his direction for that, either. 'Kay? He was there and on our side when it counted, and killed the fucker himself whether some of you like it or not, or recognize his health now is a result of that and the confirmed fact he's still picking up past it; or not. "

And, maybe that was a little harsh, but the drop in Sam's expression and Steve's shift in his seat said he'd reminded them of the right things; in the right way enough that whatever mirrored crap teh other guys who had faced him were reflecting off of Sam was in fact what had been about to pass his lips. " Stop being dicks. " shut them up further. " That's all I'm asking. I might not get this chance again if he dies -- " also pulled the whole lot straight for a moment between his words, like they hadn't considered that when they should have been: " --or he bails because he gets squigged out by the vibes you guys are putting out, instead of giving him the slack someone in that condition for the reasons he is, _should_ have. " Enough said, he was on his way out the door with the goods, a pitcher and pair of glasses and headed back to Loki's room in no time. Trying not to give it a second thought.

" I _could_ take you with me, when I leave. " was the delayed if half joked greeting after he'd shut the door behind him though; as he pulled the bar across the dark prince's lap and was reminded: just how close the kitchen was around that corner. And the idea pulled at him. More so for the fact that.. Clint actually caught himself considering it for a few scary seconds. The fact he and Laura were on the rocks; the newer history as Ronin staring out of those black few years at him too: made it instantly tempting. Unfortunately, Loki saw it before he could play it off. " _...it was a **joke** ,_ Clint. "

Which, didn't help much. In part because he also caught himself wishing it wasn't. Glancing to the door, " _Yeah.._ well. " he left Loki with his bowl to pull the shades facing inwards at the rest of the building, before yanking the wires to the cameras and audio: and powering down his monitoring equipment too, just to be sure. He settled into what was _definitely **his** chair_ in Loki's room at that stage, as he finished the thought. " Let's just say part of me almost wishes it wasn't, and thinks maybe I and my family'd be happier if I took you up on it anyway. "

The quiet had him looking against his better judgement; and yeah. Again, he got a little surprise. Well, two of them. The angry look was the first. The sudden slap up the back of his head was another. " ..what the hell?! "

" What do you mean, what the hell. " sounded as angry as Loki looked, which.. was something Clint still couldn't connect on; until it was put into words. " You bloody well earned that one Barton. You've children, not just the wife. And last I looked, you _enjoyed_ being their father. As I said, I would have dragged you with me otherwise. "

" When I was _worthy of it_ yeah, then; I enjoyed it! " had him dodging another slap, though damn if the fact he could in fact hear himself and; the dodge didn't have as much heart behind it. He gave up halfway through, setting his spoon back down and looking directly at the sick guy with the life draining nasty rocks in his arm " You aren't one to talk either, if half of what Vix chewed Thor out with is accurate. Especially with those fuckin' rocks in your knuckles _now,_ you know. " Did slow him down to a stop before the third headslap could be considered. Had Loki reaching for his own spoon again at the mention in fact, though he looked like he really wanted to use it on Clint's eyeballs: which was weirder for him given _how_ the sudden fit had come on and _with what subject._

" That's none of your concern. " Roused a little of his temper though, the same.

" You made it _everybody's_ concern when you not only _showed up_ to finish this deal; but _stuck around_ after, including _and especially mine_ knowing our history better'n me: and don't you _bullshit **me**_ on that, either. Ain't gonna work. " came up with Clint's spoon between them. " I am _not;_ the smartest man in the damned universe, given: but even I can figure out that stopping a volcano a half a damn universe away, versus teleporting one little _you_ to a better, safer location even if it was just to wherever the hell Vix was? Do _not equal out_ in the realm of energy and _whatever other crap_ you're running through the disco lights on your left to _fix_ the _rest of the fuckin' universe_ the way Danvers described it, either. "

Silence, as that meaning set in too; and after a few seconds.. they were both eating in it. Not, how Clint had wanted to start the conversation.. but there it was.

" What is the point, there..? " came a few minutes into the slow going as a result meal, without the need to ask what Loki was referring to.

But there was the brief want, to leave it alone. " That maybe we're _both_ being self destructive assholes with the thoughts of bolting that neither one of us're _quite capable_ of seeing through at the moment. " came out with that earlier blunt return in mind as a feeling behind it. Same dry delivery, or at least Clint's version of it. He managed another snort from Loki. It wasn't the sort that disagreed. If anything, he sounded annoyed wit the fact he had to agree instead.

" I'll give you that last at least. _I don't know_ , why I'm _so bloody attached_ to this planet any more.. " was a grumbling complaint over his food on his way to the next bite that caught Clint's attention again the same. " ..isn't as though _anyone **still**_ alive _on_ it's given a damn any more than my supposed family in any case. "

Which sat with Barton wrong for how much it sounded like he meant that. Like regardless of any good he might have done in his life was worth shit, including saving even Barton's skin by comparison and he had given up on doing anything about it or caring to. Never mind the rest.

This context, the things Clint himself had just said in the kitchen? The things they knew now whether they wanted to accept them or not? Yeah. Hearing that felt wrong. Really wrong, after everything that had gone down around the Accords, before Thanos. _Horribly wrong,_ sitting there himself: counted among the _heroes_ after every person he'd killed over the last five years. Loki had nothing to do with that part of his life. He had absolutely no claim on the guilt in _those_ red marks. That was all, _one hundred percent Clint_ and his own problems. His own rage. And that's when it clicked.

_That's what it is. That's what pisses me off about it. I have a bigger kill count than he does. I had no extra plans or reason like he did, other than just.. killing. Wiping out the scumbags left behind after my kids got snapped; but..._

But Loki, was the one they pinned the _bad guy to the core_ sticker to, while Clint got off scott free at a shrug by comparison. From his friends. And allies. People who had been his peers and betters to look up to; and should have been able to offer the same kind of pass or possibility with the facts they knew now and things that had been outed since.

_But they aren't. Not all of them. And what does that say, about what I really deserve; or what he does when it's flipped around?_

_Nat..._

Nat would be raging at them, for all the red she'd been trying so hard to wipe out of her ledger since they'd started back then: if she knew. If she saw, oh man. She would be having a straight up fit at the guys with how little slack they were giving him, wouldn't she? For the opportunity to be denied anyone trying, or proven they might be worth trying to save as she hadn't though she was? She'd banked on this, on him, on them being better than that after the Accords and Thanos especially; and on all of them: with that in mind and pushing her forward right off a literal cliff to her death. Leaving teh future, and things like this, and her memory; and the memory of her life in their hands.

And Clint knew it.

_Yep..._ that was what was a **_huge_** chunk, of why he just couldn't join the anti-Trickster club, even in the few annoyed angry parts that maybe still wanted to.

" ...Barton? " called him out of the stare at his food and that stupidly plain revelation; back to looking at that half wrecked face and asking himself the question Loki always dodged when he took it in. The flaking skin, the harsh glow from his irises, the scratch at the start of his voice: was he hurting through all this, to add to the weight of those facts? " It isn't _that_ important, I promise. "

And man, that stung the shock of it out of him right then and there: because _**..what?**_ Pulled Clint's brows up high and fast and hard enough from his heart seeing the lie there so easily it made his throat hurt when it registered just what he was responding to, and especially because he knew better: " **Yes** it is. " and " If it's _not?_ " had his voice threatening to crack." _..if_ its' **_not,_** then what about me? What's the point in me staying, either? I shouldn't be wanted, any more'n you at this point if that's true and the world we fight for's even _a little fair_ to spread it right, and _even_ between the two a us. " seemed to throw out whatever agitation had started to rise up in Loki's chipped face even quicker than it had started to get back there. " Not with the things I done.. things that got _nothing to do with you,_ since. New York..? _Stuttgart..?_ " breath in, and he realized he really had found it, all over again.

Yeah, Clint knew _exactly_ why he was there just then. " They're easier. And I _wanna know,_ what good some a my bad with you mighta done; too. We got through _that.._ maybe.. _maybe?_ This... and what's going on here _now'll_ be easier if I can remember it all, and accept it? Maybe it's dumb but; " another breath. " I just feel like, I ain't much of a hero right now unless I balance the scales with you too. I know I said as much to Tony, before. How it ain't right, you being treated like this after saving the day _and our asses_ when it mattered, _no matter the reason._ Nat.. Nat'd fuckin' _kill me_ if she saw this; and I left things like this anyway, I think. _I can't face her like this, at the end._ Not without trying. "

Quiet again, and Clint was found sitting in the aftermath of a near breakdown; he realized. Sniffed what wet was threatening back as he recovered under that long, unreadable look from the mess of a galacticly renound troublemaker Barton was watching over and caring for. Too late to take it all back, now. He could kick himself for it though. Didn't like making himself that visible; that _vulnerable:_ to _anyone,_ right now. It had just kind of happened though. And now they were stuck with that comparison and raw personal, emotional baggage just kind of hanging in the air between them like a dirty, frayed and _nasty looking_ flag that couldn't be brought down once it was up.

And man, did he _suddenly want to burn it instead._

" ...maybe we _should_ leave together. " surprised him a bit while he was stewing on it internally.

Clint had half expected barbs of some kind, or at least some crappy ribbing. It didn't come though; and he ended up watching the tired prince chew through his next bite with a ridiculously good attempt at eating with grace, given the situation and his really shitty current health status. Clint could almost feel the next sentence waiting to be said. " A vacation, seems in order. " made Clint snort in disbelief for the fact he actually seemed to mean it. " You've only seen a little of our universe, _yes?_ There are some places I _could_ show you, you might like. " and more so for the fact that.. he was pretty sure it was a distraction meant to keep him off the self loathing train.

Which said things about Loki that only made his revelation and decisions that much more weighted, and prickly. He didn't have to do that.. but he was trying anyway.

Which.. he was also grateful for, but couldn't help but feel a little bad about in the same internal breath. Here was this guy, this snarky asshole who was in _a lot worse_ of a situation and health than him; and he was trying to suddenly take care of _Clint?_ Even in that small, uncertain and awkward if confident offer.. that was a little funny to Hawkeye. Maybe more so with their particular history. " _Yeah..?_ " came out with that horrible bit of humor laughing a bit behind it; and got a nod and closed mouth smile as the guy chewed through his next bite. " ..so we _what,_ just tell 'em _'hey guys, my old Boss wants to take me on vacay to destress.'_ \-- " which, the boss refernce alone almost had him spitting his mouthful. " -- _'So I think imma bail for a few weeks to a lifetime._ ' and _.....book it?_ "

When he finally finished swallowing around that laugh, the smile was wider than Clint had seen in a while. Especially on Loki's face, and even counting Vix's arrival. Didn't help he hadn't seen that flavor on him _ever._ Earnest.. and charming for it. Warm even, regardless of the stupidly worrying cracks in his face and fake skin. " I'll make a deal with you, Barton; " kept Clint's his attention, caught up on that and the moment of surprising upward motion to his mood. " You say _exactly that_ to them? And I'll take you up to my vault to pick a few toys out of my armory for you to keep; along the way. I want to see Rogers' face when you call me Boss ... even if it's _just_ in a picture. "

And that idea, did make him laugh a little. The idea of dropping that particular wording and snapping a fast pic with his phone before jumping into that sharp bit of obsidian coated metal Loki owned that currently was hanging out on the lawn still. " _Hell_ man, put like _that?_ I think I'd do it **_just_** to immortalize Strange and Stark's reactions for all time on it's own at this point. "

Before he knew it; maybe before either of them really did, they were talking about the spaces between, from there.. things that had happened that Loki knew about, but didn't know the details of. Like Ultron, and the bullshit that went with the Accords, before Thanos. He was told in turn what Loki had been doing during those times, after what Clint knew through Thor was his adopted mother's death. They talked about places they might go, too. Things Clint didn't get to see, but wanted to after hearing about them; the stories around how he'd first met Vix too. Barton told him about his third born, Nate; and the twin of Wanda's he'd been given his middle name for.

And more, though he kind of lost track.

It was late, and Tony was poking his head in under the clock over the door before they knew it; looking somewhere between pissed as usual, some weird level of tired that probably came with following the fish-dad around, and .. well. Not really looking like he knew what to make of the fact they had been actually laughing pretty hard when he stuck his face in the door to cut it short with his appearance. " **_...hi._** " was just as awkward and toned with a suspicion that; Clint was annoyed at before; but? Suddenly? He understood why Vix laughed at them when they put that kind of thing on display for him. It was like.. suddenly getting an inside joke that had been going on in front of him for years.

" _Hi,_ Tony. " came out with a smile as a result. One that, apparently was steady enough that it reeled the rest of Stark into the room with a very _'what the fuck is that for'_ added streak of extra suspicion that had Clint pulling his lips in briefly so he wouldn't burst out laughing at finally getting how ridiculous it was. " ...you need somethin' man? If the clock's right.. it's like; almost two in the morning. "

Over which, Stark stumbled a few seconds; running a hand back through his hair while the other balled up in a pocket of his jeans. " I know. I was on my way to the kitchen for something to drink and just thinking the same thing. Can hear you guys cackling from there, you know. "

" Oh, yes please! " was instantly snatched up by the crackle-finished godling next to him in the gurney; the pitcher they'd emptied grabbed held up and out at Tony? Managed to shock him into a further tailspin as he worked over his own words in his own head. " I believe it was lemonade, since you are offering? " had Clint trying not to grin as what Stark had used for a vague excuse had him squinting at the pitcher with mild annoyance as the facts settled in and he took it. Tony's pride wouldn't let him back out of his own bullshit; and neither would the polite way Loki worded the request either. He retreated with a called back " You guys better .. keep it _down,_ after this. I _don't_ play _waiter_ to no one but my kid and Pep, _usually.._ "

Clint was shaking his head, before Loki asked at a low, devilish hiss he definitely liked the sound of: " Where's your phone. I want a picture of this when he comes in.. " and couldn't help but indulge.

Bringing his phone up off the charger; Clint realized they hadn't discussed a single thing either of them had named as desired subjects, in the process of the last six hours of stupid chatter. Not a stitch of it. They'd spent more time gossiping about the others around them and talking, telling pointless but interesting stories about moments between: and.. he found hadn't just _liked_ it. They'd both lost hours of their life to the distraction of it? And Clint could say even before he brought up the phone and caught Tony coming in a few minutes later, full tray service with clean glasses and .. fuck, he actually brought them cookies too.

And yeah that ended up pushing the laugh at the murderous glare that went with Clint taking like _five or six_ pictures before Stark _really_ caught on, told them both to " .. _fuck off to sleep. The both a ya! "_ and left them laughing still behind him.

It wasn't until about a half an hour later when he drifted off that Clint realized; that was the longest Loki had been conscious since he'd gone down. More so for the small give that he let Barton have as he closed his eyes again, and the first lights of the simon says disco on his left hand started up again. " _...then again, I wonder if maybe we should stay; just for that smile._ "

Which, quieted Barton again. Not because he didn't think he was being dishonest, or mocking when he'd said it.

Not because it was weird timing.

But because he had been looking right at Clint's face when he did close those eyes, and said it anyway.

And Clint didn't _just,_ not mind the implication. He thought, somewhere; Nat might be smirking at the fact he approved of and liked it instead.

And maybe, _maybe_ she would be a little pleased with herself at the moment; where Loki had implied that Barton and his stupid formerly missing smile might be reason _and_ hold care enough for him to think about and want to stay. Even if regardless of his trying; Barton himself still didn't think he was. For the first time in a while, Clint stayed with him instead of heading to his own room to sleep: and just let that feeling soak in.

Neither one of them were perfect. But these days especially, that was where they could meet in the middle; so they could move forward, wasn't it?

So Clint sat there, next to his bed thinking about what he'd poured out of his brain into Loki's ears before the guy had turned that mood around; and accepting that the moment there was probably the most honest he'd been with himself, never mind anyone else over the past month: and really, truly settled into what that meant. And what he wanted; whether or not he should ask for that _vacation from everything_ as something other than a joked about fantasy. For him, and the guy next to him working his ass off even in his sleep to fix the mess they were still in, in the aftermath.

Either way, he didn't think he could just let Loki bail. Not on the notes they were both playing at this point anyway. And, if he had to anyway; or thought he did? Clint didn't' think he could allow him to any more.

Not alone. Or even just with Vix. Not knowing and really realizing those little, huge truths between them.

For himself at least; he couldn't look in the mirror if he let that happen, and _not_ feel guilty for getting the care _and the chance_ the Trickster was only getting from a _small portion_ of the team otherwise. He wouldn't be able to look his kids in the face knowing what he himself had done since and still received it either: when he'd ended _a lot more lives_ whether he thought they deserved it, or were necessary, or not.

Clint fell asleep tipped into his own knuckles watching the light show reflect off the wall on Loki's other side, thinking lastly that; if he was going to keep trying after Nat had given up her space among the living rather than letting him do it himself after going _this far out_ of even his _own_ bounds, to allow him to: he was going to have to find a way to continue that wasn't going to send him right back into Ronin's mask again to taint her sacrifice..


End file.
